Ratings

“Hostages” my recent story from 1008 Productions caused considerable ranting by family members (Mom). The turmoil
has prompted me to design and attach rating classifications to my future publications.

This system, similar to the MPAA, will alert potential readers (Mom) to stories that contain unsavory elements.

The ratings are as follows:

NM – No Mom Readers. Lots of bad language.

NP – No Prude Readers. Lots of sex, drugs and rock and roll.

NS – No Sissy Readers. Lots of stabbings, shootings and graphic zombie attacks.

NV – No Victorian Readers. Lots of male, chauvinist, sexist bullshit.

BR – Boring Readers Only – Lots of pasteurized, stale white bread, bland crap.

There you have it. A system designed to protect the sensibilities of…moms, prudes, sissies, bores, and cat ladies. (I threw in cat ladies just in case.)

Or maybe I should post a warning that almost everything I write contains lots of bad language, sex, drugs, rock and roll, stabbings, shootings, graphic zombie attacks, and male, chauvinist, sexist bullshit.
You know. Like everyday life.

Okay, while I’m not sure that zombie attacks are part of everyday life, I’m sure if they were, they’d be graphic.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work on my next novel titled, “Slut”.

Because my wife told me to write it.

- Chester

Covers

3-15-2013

Covers are a big thing in indie-publishing. Since indie-writers don’t have major publishing companies to screw up their
novels with crappy cover art, the writers have to do their own screwing up.

Lots of cover service companies have sprouted, but at
$200 a pop most struggling writers are opting to create their own covers with inexpensive stock art and limited typography.

Kind of like me, except I studied art in school so my covers look more professional than the common indie novel. (Cough.)

The cover for “Vast”, illustrated on top over in the left hand column of this page is the one you’ll see on the book’s Amazon page. The similar cover over there on the bottom is the original cover I designed and created. I thought the “You Are Here” cover was hilarious.
Then my editor said she thought it was hilarious, too, and if I
used it I was an idiot.

I pay the woman for her opinion. I have to heed her warnings or I might as well just flush dollar bills down the toilet.

For “House with a View” all I wanted was an image of a plain
little tree house. No way. Searched the web for weeks while writing the story. I ended up creating a cover that’s pleasant enough, but doesn’t address the gist of the story.
(Except maybe there’s a tree house hidden in there  somewhere.) 
 
I did get hold of an artist friend from high school and he’s going to work on a new cover to replace the crap cover I built. But…he’s busy until the next fly-by of Haley’s Comet, so, for now, the stupid cover stays.

The original “False Bravado” cover was a bewitching young woman wiggling her finger as if to call someone closer. But, I don’t like to use images with facial features. I’d rather the reader create their own character features. I think that gives the reader a chance to personalize the story a little.

Then, wham!, I found the glass of dry ice image. It was perfect.
It works on so many different levels. As a potion, a glass of liquid courage, a sexy cocktail.

Plus, it’s just a cool photograph.

Now, just wait until you see the cover for "Dissymmetry Vol 1". You'll be amazed as soon as Haley's comes back because my friend from school is doing that one, too. (Just kidding. About
Haley's Comet, not my artist friend.)

So, what's the real reason I decided to post about covers? If you guessed so I could display my hilarious "You Are Here - Vast" cover to the world...you just might be right. (Don't tell my editor.)

To end, if you have any comments on covers, let me know. If your arguments are cohesive and intelligent I might actually change a cover or two.
(But probably not. I’m really am a control freak.)

- Chester